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‘What Are Black People Supposed to Do on This Holiday?’
Trevor Noah expressed his amazement on “The Daily Show” on Wednesday that something called Confederate Memorial Day still exists, even if it’s just in Alabama and Mississippi.
“What are black people supposed to do on this holiday?” he asked.
He imagined the dilemma: “So I either don’t get the day off, or I support slavery? Man, I’ll take the day off, but I’m watching B.E.T. the whole time.”
Equal and Opposite
President Trump, who as a candidate criticized President Barack Obama’s use of executive orders, is now touting the fact that he will have signed 30 of them within his first 100 days. On “Late Night,” Seth Meyers hit on a way to understand — and maybe even predict — Mr. Trump’s apparently contradictory statements.
“It is at this point like a law of physics: For every Trump action, there is an equal and opposite Trump clip.” — SETH MEYERS
Also less than clear is the timetable for Mr. Trump’s proposed wall along the Mexican border. Mr. Meyers played a clip of the president being barraged with questions about when the wall would be built. Asked if it would be during his first term, he seemed reluctant to answer, then abruptly said, “Yeah, sure.”
“‘Yeah, sure.’ He’s like a dad who made the mistake of mentioning Disneyland to his kids. ‘Are we going, Dad, are we going?’ ‘Yeah. Yeah, sure. Why the [expletive] did I mention Disneyland?’” — SETH MEYERS
Derek and Jeb
What to make of the new partnership between, of all people, Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush? Late night had some thoughts.
“According to reports, a group of buyers led by Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush has won the auction to purchase the Miami Marlins. Jeter is excited to get back to baseball, while Jeb is excited to get back to losing.” — SETH MEYERS
“It looks like Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush will be buying the Miami Marlins. That’s right, one guy who could have been president — and Jeb Bush.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Red Button Edition)
“He’s just turning the Oval Office into an 8-year-old’s drawing of a dream treehouse. ‘There’ll be a button where I get Coke wherever I want, a slide into a ball pit, and Bigfoot sleeps over and he teaches me karate.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, reacting to a report that Mr. Trump had a red button installed in his desk that can…